
Ep 5: Top Comments You Need to Avoid Saying To Specialist Physicians
Show Notes
This episode of the Dr. Momma Podcast addresses the interactions that people may have with physician specialists and highlights the top comments that you should actually never say!
During my last podcast episode, I shared my opinion about the healthcare system being broken down into 3 basic levels which include Home Care, Primary Care, and Specialty care.
Today, I want to spend a bit of time focusing on what you can expect from visits with specialist physicians. Regardless of the type of specialist, medical or surgical… referral to us means that your primary care physician thinks that it is time for someone with additional training in a particular field to evaluate you.
To give you an idea what you might expect, primary care physicians may say something like, “you should see the specialist for surgery”, or “you should see the specialist to have a scope to look at what is going on inside”. The intent of this discussion is to give you an idea of what you might hear.
But these statements do not mean that you WILL need surgery or a scope. Just that you might, so you can be mentally prepared. So you have time to get your head in the right space.
As I discussed in my other podcast episode, specialists need to get a complete medical history and perform an exam. We are just meeting you or your child and although you may have done many home care treatments, had several urgent care center or emergency room visits and your primary care visits…please remember, we are JUST meeting you. We need to collect our own history and evaluate the previous treatments before we make our recommendations.
I have written a blog post entitled “What NOT to say to your Specialist Physician”. So obviously, I have had quite a bit of experience over the past nearly 30 years with patients who had a different expectation about what was going to happen when they are referred to my office.
I want to share with you the top 5 comments that I have received from patients who had different expectations about how the visit was going to go.
In other words, these are…
The Top 5 Comments You Need to Avoid Saying To Specialist Physicians
#1. I don’t know why I am here. The pediatrician just recommended a specialist check out my child.
Umm, Just no. This is never the case.
Pediatricians can “check out” your child. There has to be some reason why they want you to see a specialist.
Physicians may find problems which do not address your specific concerns. Sometimes I see very large tonsils, but the patient is here for failing a hearing test. I know I am going to ask a lot of questions, but it is important for me to focus on your concerns so I can be sure to address them.
It is very disheartening after a visit when the absent parent calls my office and reports that the issue I addressed was not why they were there! You know that means you need to come back with the patient? I cannot just make a treatment plan based on your phone call to add information.
#2. I don’t know my child’s medical history. My pediatrician puts all the notes in the computer. Can’t you just look at the notes online?
After we are on the same page about why you are here, please know we are going to ask questions about the history of the problem. In fact, this is a good plan anytime you see any physician. We are GOING to ask you questions: When, Where, How…those type questions.
Now to be fair, some patients are confused that every physician cannot see their medical records. If your pediatrician and specialist physician belong to the same large hospital network, they will be sharing the same medical record system. In this situation, the specialist most certain will access the pediatric notes.
However, if the pediatrician or the specialist is in private practice or works in different hospital systems, you WILL need a copy of the medical records to send or carry with you to the office. Or simply be able to answer the questions that we need to understand your previous complaints and treatments.
Medical records are confidential and physicians cannot access the records without your written permission.
#3. Why are we discussing this information? I have been working with the pediatrician already. I am only here to schedule surgery.
Ummm, No. In fact, that’s a HARD no.
Remember what I said earlier? Pediatricians and Family Physicians may tell you that you might need surgery or that surgery may be the next step. But the referral to the specialist says “Consultation for surgery and further management”.
Specialist physicians often process information differently than primary care physicians; thus, we may interpret the results differently.
Please allow specialists the time to understand what has been done and assess those results before recommending surgery.
And for goodness sake, come prepared to see a specialist! Come ready to share the problem as you see it, the effectiveness of the medications and share the other medical problems that you may not think are important to that particular specialist. We definitely need to know it.
#4. The only reason I want my child to have surgery is that I don’t want to give my child medications anymore.
As a specialist, I would LOVE this to a true statement! Some surgeries result in the ability to stop all medications; however, other surgeries may improve the problem so that medications are now effective.
Kids get ear tubes every day but when they get a runny nose, they may still get ear infections. Understanding the reason for the surgery and the expectations after surgery are CRITICAL things to know! I always tell parents that ear tubes do not stop ear infections, they just change the symptoms and give a different way to treat them. With antibiotic ear drops instead of antibiotics by mouth.
I am always clear that ear infections usually happen because something else is wrong. By no longer needing to race to the emergency room for an ear infection in the middle of the night, parents now get a chance to see if the cold symptoms go away or if the runny and cough now become the reason to go visit the primary care.
Despite me saying these things, parents hear: Yay! Tubes! End of ear infections! But then they are unhappy when the infections persist.
During your consultation, the specialist physicians will let you know what to expect after surgery. Please pay attention to the risks and benefits that are discussed before surgery or a procedure is performed.
I do not know exactly how this applies to other surgical specialties. Whether or not medications for a problem will still be needed. But your experience surgeon can let you know. This is the reason for discussing your expectations BEFORE surgery.
And finally, the 5th top statement you should never, EVER say to your specialist is: I do not want my child to have surgery. I am only here because my pediatrician recommended it. No matter what you say, I am not going to agree to it.
Well then. Alrighty.
But just to be clear, please understand that the first visit with a specialist is simply a consultation. I haven’t recommended surgery! So why are you getting so aggressive with me? We need to just calm down and get to know each other.
There is not a good reason to become confrontational with the surgeon before the history is obtained, an examination is done and a recommendation is given.
I am so passionate about this. Seriously, I still get surprised when this happens to me.
Of course, you ALWAYS have the right to refuse surgery or additional medications. However, if you made the effort to come to the specialist’s office, please allow the visit to proceed before you announce your final plans.
Many patients decline my recommended surgery. I let them know how to keep treating the problem with their primary care physician, but let them know the things that will not resolve with medications. When they are ready, they can return.
Dr. Burton’s summary:
Specialist physicians represent an important part of the healthcare team, and it is very important to understand how to get the most out of a visit with them. Please give us the opportunity to assess your situation and make our recommendations.
As always, much love for supporting my work. I intend to launch new episodes every week, but may periodically produce bonus episodes. So, be sure to subscribe to iTunes or subscribe to my blog to be notified. You KNOW you do not want to miss an episode!
Also, you may reach out to me on the contact page to send comments, show topics or questions. You can also send requests to be a future guest, work with me, or sponsor an episode!
**If you have not done so yet, I would LOVE for you to visit iTunes and leave me a 5-star rating so that I can continue to gain traction and grow this podcast. I greatly appreciate your support!**
36 comments
I had a good laugh at this cause I am a medical Mom. Though I do state “check the system for recent work ups” cause she has so many that I can’t keep track any more. Though in my life I see specialist just as much as my Ped and find being informed about your child’s health makes life easier. It also allows you to make better decision for your child.
Medical moms are the best! We do not need you to know lab test but updating us about what changes are happening or not improving or new areas of concern…these are the important things. I just want to encourage anxious parents to fill us in on things from their perspective and not expect us to just read notes. Your descriptions and explanations are invaluable!
Never really thought about that before. I always figured if they’re a specialist they should be able to handle it.
Physicians can handle all kinds of things but the key is handling the things that YOU want them to. By participating in the discussion, you improve your final results.
Yikes – some of those things are just common sense. But, as busy moms, we do often forget to have a detailed medical history for our kids at our disposal. But being so closed off when visiting a specialist is not helpful.
We fully understand that most people do not know the detailed history but we need patients to help us with the big picture. You know if you have had medications or ER visits or if the problem is your ear or your throat. Just sharing that is helpful.
There is a reason for a specialist and there is a reason that they where referred t a specialist in the first place.
Yes there is always a reason. If you share that reason, we can get started with finding a solution. It is a simple thing to ask.
some great tips on this post! We actually have a big controversy at the moment in the Australian Healthcare as they want to harmonise the records and keep them online, but everyone is scared about hackers …
What? All medical records in one place? That does sound super scary. Will need to follow along how that goes.
This is a very helpful post. I never know what to ask Physicians!
You may not have any questions, but we will have questions for you. Just knowing what is wrong and what you would like to have from the visit is a great starting point. Also expressing why other treatments did not work. We can take it from there.
I just stumbled upon this blog today and not regretting spending even a minute of my reading time.
I cannot tell you how much this comment means to me. I love sharing insights and often wonder if anyone actually reads it. Thanks for much for this!
It’s a bit funny to me, that one would go to a doctor not knowing the circumstances. Thanks for these.
I used to think it was funny but after 30 years, I brace for it daily. We all have something we want from physicians. It should be a given that you say what is wrong that you want us to fix.
How hilarious! Do people really say such things to their specialist physicians? I’ll better avoid saying such things, but I bet I also say something silly at the doctor’s! 🙂
Yes, these are not uncommon statements. We do not need every detail but every person with a physician visit should come with a problem that they want us to fix. I can find things to treat but they may not be the things you want.
Oh my goodness I am cringing that any parents actually say or even THINK these things!! And this is coming from a hard core cynic, though I guess that means I’m very involved, doing lots of research to have an educated discussion with my doctor so I can understand and we can be on the same page for my childrens’ care (or my own for that matter).
I love very involved people. They are the ones that often bring me an excel spreadsheet. I don’t need that but I do need to know what is wrong, what things you have done that have not worked or only worked for a short time. That helps me find a plan. So you need to keep being super involved with your research. It makes our visits much easier.
The first one is quite offensive. I like how you were able to show to us the importance of being tactful. Thanks.
Yes, when I hear some of these statements I just spend a few seconds trying not to cringe or make any weird faces. We are supposed to work together on solving your problem, which means we need your help!
What an honest post! This really made me think about thing differently. Thanks for sharing! 🙂
Thanks so much. Bottom line, just talk about what you want to have fixed and what was wrong with the other treatments. Then we can help you move forward. Just asking for a little help to get started!
What an informative post. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for reading.
Very true. We should co-operate with our physician to get the best treatment because we are the first person experiencing the problem.
Yes, this is basic healthcare 101. Tell the physician what you want them to address.
Truly appreciate your sharing and ensuring our young ones get the best care. Thank you
Yes and since kids often cannot tell us what is wrong, we really need parents to take a minute to think about what they see and have tried to do to fix problems.
The last thing you want is for a doctor to think that you’re not a capable parent. I think most parents enter visits with specialists with a lot of anxiety and may be disillusioned as to the amount of care that their child actually requires. I’ve definitely said the first statement to a specialist regarding treatment for our first son. We were sent to a physio therapist at two months old, because he didn’t lift his head for our family physician during tummy time. We were also sent to a specialist when he was 12 months old because he smiled at her funny, I guess? She was concerned that he had some kind of nerve damage because he half smiled, even though I explained that he also smiled fully all the time. Any way, both specialists in those scenarios found that there was nothing wrong.
In the end, I think it’s great that our physician is so quick to refer us to a specialist. (We live in Canada, so it’s covered for us as well.) I would rather suffer through some temporary anxiety and discover that there is nothing wrong, then risk the chance of a serious medical complication. I think our family doctor was so concerned because my first pregnancy ended in still-birth of our daughter, so she really aired on the side of caution with our son.
As a pediatric specialist, I fully understand that parents are overwhelmed by all the previous treatments. We do not need all the details but some basic ones help us to understand the problem. I love when the primary care wants me to take a look at something but they have a reason. Simply saying the smile is crooked, or head tilts one way, or not speaking well….all these help to know. Having anxiety is normal, we just love for you to share things from your perspective!
I can imagine these are things that would be hard to deal with when parents take their kids to a specialist. But I admit having a child myself i would be anxious if I were recommended to take my child to one about what they would want to do.
Being an anxious parent with a sick child is normal and expected. My goal is to help you to understand that your simple explanations about what you think is wrong and what you think previous treatments did, these are helpful bits of information.
Great mindful tips you want to avoid saying to a physican. Thanks for the tips and info!
I am glad you found this post useful.